cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I don't want my vagina anymore.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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