it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
