We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
