This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
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