he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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