I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
do nipples grow back?
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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