Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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