Life is so much better after having sex.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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