i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Randomize
