i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
