Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
