anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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