I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
