My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Randomize
