We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize