I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
