just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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