I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
