Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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