I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize