i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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