I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Randomize
