I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
