It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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