Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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