you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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