Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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