Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
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