Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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