walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
