whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Randomize
