yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Randomize
