shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
foreskin is a definite game changer
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Randomize