i used baking grease as lip gloss
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
