mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
i think my cat just said my name.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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