Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
