I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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