We won't sleep together?
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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