i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
