I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
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