Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
