If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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