So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize