we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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