for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize