I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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