She's JV to your varsity
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
