I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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