Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I am one with the molecules
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
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