NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
