i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
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