My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
