Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
We have started to decorate penises.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
