clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
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