what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
