it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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