omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Everyone says I win the strip club
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
