She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
"it" just moved
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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