I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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