You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
