Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
