Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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