dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
