I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
