i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Randomize
