I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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