This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
