I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
You have to summon your inner elephant
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize