Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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