Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
