Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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