in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize