I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
